Ummm....Really?

Random Thoughts

1. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
   profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
   the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if
   I do!
2. When I’m stir frying and microwaving at the same time I like to
   pretend I’m on Iron Chef. “Well Alton it look’s like he has added the
   sauce packet with only 20 seconds remaining on the microwave timer.
   Let’s hope he has time for plating.”
3. I wonder when Will Smith will get the script for the Obama biography movie.
4. Capri Suns never had enough juice in them.
5. Sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them.
6. The Sunday struggle: not showering because I want to workout. Not
   working out because I really don’t want to.
7. When I have to work late, the last thing I do is send a somewhat
   meaningless email to my boss, just so she knows I was in the office
   until at least 7:53.
8. I’m 25. I’ve probably been using the phone since I was 3 years old.
   So why is it when I go to leave someone a Voicemail, I turn into a
   stuttering head trauma victim who can’t string a sensible sentence
   together?
9. Hey eyelid twitch - thanks for fulfilling my life long dream of
   looking like a serial killer about to go on a rampage.
10. I hate when a menu item looks good, but I can’t order it because it
    has a cutesy name. I’m sorry, but I like myself too much to say the
    words “Rootin’ Tootin’ Delicious Chicken Sandwich” in front of anyone
    I know.
11.  Whenever it’s below freezing, and you see a girl walking to the bar
    without a coat on, you should definitely make a move on her. You
    already know she’s into bad decisions.
12. I’m sorry TBS, but I have a hard time believing that “House of
    Payne” is America’s favorite sitcom.
13. There are a lot of things that I don’t do just because it really
    annoys me when other people do it. Getting married, or even being in a
    serious relationship is quickly moving to the top of that list.
14. If we’re talking, and I say, “That’s hilarious” without laughing,
    I’ve completely stopped listening to what you are saying.
15. When I’m at a bar and I run out of things to say to someone, I’ll
    often squint at a nearby TV just to make it look like I’m really
    concentrating.
16. Verizon Wireless, could you please give me a few more time intervals
    to choose from when it comes to the “snooze” option on your cell
    phones? Having to hit the snooze button again every 5 minutes is a
    terrible joke to play on someone and a complete pain in the ass for
    me.